Ok so one of the first subjects I’d like to tackle is something only to be truly understood by the highly superior gender of the human species, ie. The female population. Like your mother in law, it insists on visiting once every month or so although it isn’t welcome; I’m talking about wearing the red skirt, ladies. You know what I mean? Painting the town red (the women’s version), the painter’s in town, I’m talking about your period, girls. Guys, you will never know what a pain it is- and I’m not just talking about the cramps over here. Every time a girl’s in a bad mood with you she’s really just trying to tell you something- learn to read the signs! Every woman’s got her own particular way of telling you to watch out-she’s got her period-so boys, learn to recognize the signs. The first approach used by most decent women, is pretty subtle, she
1. Spreads a lot of tampons around the house in obvious places. (The very subtle version)
2. Asks him if he’s seen her pack of tampons. (The slightly less subtle version)
3. Sends him to buy her more tampons. (The even less subtle version)
4. Talks about the way she feels when she has her period until he asks. (the possibly very long version)
Then there’s another approach to tell the guys “hey honey, I’m leaking blood over here”. I call this the “Let-the-Bastard-Figure-It-Out” approach. Basically girls, just act out your PMS till he asks if you’ve got your period. Then get upset and act out some more PMS just for good measure.
Ok ladies, it’s bad enough that guys don’t know how to deal with us when were MENSTRUATING, we gotta pick on them too. Like its not bad enough we leave the toilets with a blood stain on the seat ( ok I know you guys don’t use the seat but I’m guessing it grosses you out anyway) or the random dumbass woman who accidentally walked into the men’s and asked you for a pad.
But guys, seriously, you gotta forgive us ladies, it’s not like we bleed from our asses on purpose. Think about what it’s like from our point of view; dude, we have to wear fucking diapers for about a week or so! Do you know what it’s like to be a seventeen-year-old with fucking diaper rash? It’s not like tampons are any better- they’re like little cotton fingers that poke around in your uterus for around eight hours a day. So any males who try to rush females in the bathroom; fuck off. It’s not like you’re spreading your legs trying to plug up the waters of the friggin’ Red Sea with this little cotton dildo thing.
Can you imagine the scenario if you get your period just when your gynae decide to take a peek at you? Akwaaaaarrd! Or this one time, my mom went to a local shop to buy whatever. She comes back, and tells me, Nat you know it was kind of weird- people were just staring at me all the way there and back. I tell her I can’t imagine why. She turns around (and please note she’s wearing white pants) and I’m like “Mom, your ass is leaking cherry juice”.
Yeah, you can always tell when your bartender’s pissed off with you when you find a string in your Bloody Mary.
Anyways, I found this awesome joke about periods which I’d like to share with you. A prostitute on her period decides to catch a client anyway. She thinks to herself, “I’ll find some drunk. He won’t even notice anything.”
She goes to the bar, finds a really drunk guy there, takes him to the nearest hotel and they spend the night together. The guy wakes up the next morning (the prostitute is already gone by then) and as he starts to get out of bed he sees that his hands are covered in blood. He starts running around the room, saying to himself in panic, “Oh my God! I killed her! I killed her!!!…”. As he runs to the bathroom he passes the mirror, stops, looks at himself for a second n then screams, “Oh my God!!! And I ate her too!!!….”.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed that folks, until we meet again.
Cheers.
Thanks!
